Hello, long time no talk. I know, I know. I had all kinds of grand ideas when I started out but they fizzled pretty quickly. You see I got lost. Lost in what you say? Well that is a long list and not one I am going to walk through at the moment. So how are you? Life been treating you well?

Ever had that awkward conversation with someone who you have been meaning to talk to but have not taken the time get it done? No, this is not one of those “talk to your loved ones before they are gone” kind of speeches. It is more about how we deal with the word failure. You see I am embarrassed about not keeping up on my blog idea. That has been part of the “lost” that I was talking about.  It has kept me away. Or rather, I have used it as an excuse to not face up to what I see as a failure.

Facing failure is hard. And part of that difficulty is that failure is hard to define because it is a concept developed by a multitude of people. For example, getting a 65 on a test would probably get you a grade of F. So that is failure. But what if the first time you took the test you got a 35? You are improving. Can the 65 then be defined as a success? I high school one time I got a 69 on a history test. (OK, not the only time I got a low grade on a test but we are about to digress here and I want to stay on topic.) Anyway, I got a 69 on the test. So I failed. But EVERYBODY in the class got a lower grade that I did. I received the first place trophy in failing grades. (Or would that be last place since I almost passed?) The teacher decided to “curve” the grade. Therefore I was given 31 extra points to bring my grade up to 100. Everyone else got 31 points as well. Now my grade was 100. Did that mean that I was a success in knowing the knowledge we were supposed to show on the test?

So how do we address failure? The definition might be different in the same conversation between two people because of our expectations. You expected me to meet you at 6pm. I stopped to rescue your cat out of a tree. Because of that I arrived at 6:15. I failed to make the appropriate time. I fulfilled my sense of right in the world. So what is the truth?

I think the problem we face is that we confuse “having” and “being”. I have failed in something verses being a failure. And therein lies the problem. When we fail at something we have a chance to learn and grow. When we are a failure we give up on the possibility of growth.

Funny, I really did not know what I was going to write when I sat down here. I felt like I needed to offer an apology for having been away from this so long. But as I started writing this thought kind of flowed forth. And in so doing I learned a little something about the maze I have been/still are lost in. So hey! Learning moment for me. Thanks for helping me sort this out

So yeah, I really want to start writing this again. And sadly for you, I am probably going to ramble away. But maybe there is something familiar to you in the maze. Maybe this helps. Maybe this really is weird. Maybe this makes no sense. I said when I started the blog this was “an attempt to learn and empty my head at the same time.” So I am going to call this post “not a failure.” Exciting actually. It causes one to look up in the world. Of course sometimes that means when I round the next corner I might miss the hole……<Someone get me a flashlight and a rope! We can talk after I climb back up.>