You have to watch the video for “Away from the Sun” by the band Three Doors Down for some of this to make sense. If you have not watched it yet then go ahead. I will wait……

I love this video. I loved the song when I heard it and the video when I saw it. It makes me cry. The band said the song represents the struggles and burdens that we all carry as we try to climb the mountains of life. They noted that you never see the boy make it to the top because no one is guaranteed that we can make it all the way up. I see the video and song a little more personally than some others. That is because I see a more specific struggle in the song. I see myself and I see the darkness of my depression. And at times, I wonder if I will ever see the sun.

I struggle with depression. At least on my best days I do. Other days I suffer from depression. Suffering from depression means it has kicked your tail and you are lost in the dark. Struggling with depression means you have the will to know that your “monster” does not get the last word. At least that is the way I look at it.

The first time I heard this song I felt “away from the sun.” The song seemed to capture exactly what I was thinking. Things can seem rather dark when you are pulled down in the hole. The sun can seem like a distant dream and you wonder if anyone realizes where you are. And the struggle to climb up can seem lonely, difficult and fraught with peril.

The chorus begins with the line “now again I‘ve found myself so far down”.  It is strange how you can just wander into the dark. Everything seems fine and then suddenly, here you are and no one knows. There are often people who care a great deal about you but being in the dark has a funny way of tricking you into thinking that they are not there. When you are able to still struggle, you just hope to find a way to communicate your despair to them. When you are suffering, you just cannot believe they would want to waste their time.

So yes, I struggle. And I know the weights that drag me back. I have my own harness, tied to rocks, that makes the climb tough. I put a link to this video on my Facebook page. I did this because it helps me in the moment. Do NOT send a bunch of –“hang in there” or “just let it go and it will be alright” comments to me. If you feel the need for a hang in there moment then find a cute picture of a kitten clinging to a string and send it to yourself. It might brighten your day. And if you need to let it go then check out the Disney page. I am sure that Elsa is over there somewhere. (That might be a little harsh, sorry about that.)

But if any of this means anything to you then look for those around you who are away from the sun and just be with them. I do not want to be carried up the hill. I just want someone who is willing to keep me company on the climb.